Yvonne Battle-Felton: Just the Points Archives

What I've Learned from EBay

1. I am far too competitive for my own good.
2. It’s not about the merchandise, it’s about the game.
3. It doesn’t matter who wins, as long as it’s me.
4. Always read the item description.
5. Read the seller feedback: if no one else had a good experience with the seller, you won’t either.
6. Calculate the shipping.
7. Ask for clarification before you bid.
8. Never bid on impulse.
9. Never bid more than you can afford to pay.
10. Propose the unexpected bid: $4.56, $7.97, $11.26—I have won things I wanted (and didn’t want) by bidding the unexpected.

Posted by Yvonne Battle-Felton at 09:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

When Apples go Bad, Part 3

1. The FedEx box arrives within a few days of talking to David.
2. My daughter packs the IPOD Touch in the box and sends it off while she frets over how long she can survive IPOD-Less
3. I receive an email that the IPOD has been received and is undergoing diagnostics
4. A few hours later, I receive an email that her IPOD is dead, Apple is sending her replacement.
5. A day or two later, the package arrives, daughter and IPOD are reunited (well, sort of) and all is well with the world, until
6. My daughter receives an odd phone call from Aaron claiming to be from Apple regarding a mix up at the post office and the need for her to return the IPOD.
7. I get on the phone.
8. The misunderstanding is understood as soon as an adult gets on the phone; “Aaron” was probably not from Apple or was he a disgruntled Apple store employee a bit miffed that we went around procedure?
9. Contacted David to let him know all was well and mentioned the odd phone call.
10. While he didn’t address the phone call (either it happens all the time or he didn’t want to get into it), he followed through and has earned Apple 3 potential IPODers.

Posted by Yvonne Battle-Felton at 07:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Goodbye, etc...

If you are reading this message in response to a text, IM, email, voicemail, telephone or face to face (highly unlikely) exchange for which you need clarification, these are the things I probably should have said.

1. I am intentionally vague.
2. Despite what you may have been led to believe: very seldom does something slip that I didn’t want you to know.
3. I am commitment challenged: in a relationship (at least right now) the only thing I’m really committed to is changing my mind.
4. While whatever you did is annoying, irritating, frustrating, inappropriate and/or asinine: if it was not this, I would have left you for something else.
5. Despite the implication, I really don’t want to be friends. Maybe is so big and so broad and so wide a word that while I may have said, “Maybe we can be friends;” what I meant was we are not friends.

Posted by Yvonne Battle-Felton at 11:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

AWP, Chicago 2009 As Seen By Yvonne Battle-Felton

Download file

Posted by Yvonne Battle-Felton at 10:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Points of Interest: Eden's Lounge

I will admit that more than a decade has passed since my days of sneaking into clubs using ID of questionable validity. So, I was surprised when I discovered this past weekend that the days of sensuous, flirtatious moves on the dance floor have been replaced with the need for condoms.

Good Points

1. Harem-esque décor gives the lounge an aura of the exotic (though the moves on the floor are closer to erotica)

2. Two for one Happy Hour and no cover until 9.

3. Parking lot across the street.

4. Diverse crowd ranging in age, income, and dateability.

5. Dark enough to just have a good time without worrying how fine (or not) the guy you just passed was.

6. Clean, available, and easy to locate bathrooms.

7. While encouraging a certain type of intimacy the crowded dance floor does not encourage lingering conversations.

Not-So-Good Points

1. After two drinks those steps become treacherous.

2. While there are many places to sit, under the air conditioner is not one of them: Depending on where you sit, it leaks.

3. Tables located around the dance floor seems like such a good idea, until a mixed drink comes cascading towards you.

Posted by Yvonne Battle-Felton at 09:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Things I Learned From George Bush

1. My household is a Momocracy. I don’t negotiate with terrorists. Of course, I have the burden of making sure my terrorists are actually terrorists. So, I’m faced with the burden of proof, truth, and evidence…ok, so maybe I didn’t learn that from him.

Posted by Yvonne Battle-Felton at 12:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Things I Don't Want My Children to Know

1. Each night I check to make sure they are breathing.
2. I am capable of doing unspeakable things to people who hurt my children.
3. I am not as nice as they think I am.
4. Dating wise, I’m far more shallow than they give me credit for. So, while my daughter worries that I don’t take an interest in the men we encounter at the market, the mall, the local McDonald’s—I have seen them (often before she has) and dismissed them.
5. The rest of the things that I don’t want them to learn by reading this, smiles.

Posted by Yvonne Battle-Felton at 12:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Things I Want My Children to Know

1. I love them more than I can say.
2. I am so proud of them.
3. It’s a pleasure watching them grow as individuals–even though it means I will no longer be the center of their lives (and, yes, I am oblivious enough to believe I am now the center of their lives).
4. I enjoy engaging in conversations with them (which is not the same as arguing with them, see things I learned from George Bush).
5. They are talented, beautiful, wonderful children who will grow in to talented, beautiful, wonderful adults who will never try to force me in to a nursing home (unless it’s a really nice one where I can write for hours on end while watching the ocean from my ocean-view apartment).
6. They are destined for success.
7. They can tell me anything.
8. I will always love them.
9. I will not always be right, but that won’t always stop me from offering my opinion.
10. Never stop learning.
11. Make new mistakes, there’s no sense remaking the ones I have already made (and, made quite well thank you).
12. Don’t let any one decide your dreams (not even me).
13. No one has the power to make you fail.
14. Make the decisions that will make you proud, not popular

Posted by Yvonne Battle-Felton at 12:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Baltimore Book Festival

If you’ve been within a mile of Mount Vernon Place this week; if you’ve visited the library, a book store, a friend with a book; or if you’ve perused the Sun, the City Paper or b, chances are you already know The Baltimore Book Festival is this Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

I’m honored to be reading with Joanne Cavanaugh Simpson, writer, editor, Hopkins professor and advisor. We’ll be at the CityLit Tent from 1:45 to 2:15 as part of their School of Lit .

School of Lit features faculty and students from some of the area’s finest writing programs. Joanne and I will be reading nonfiction essays, short stories and talking about Johns Hopkins University Advanced Academic Programs MA in Writing.

I hope to see you there.

Posted by Yvonne Battle-Felton at 12:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

When Apples Go Bad: Part-2

Explained situation to first Apple Customer Service Rep.
Informative, polite exchange leading to transfer to a rep. who could look into the specifics.
Transferred to Dave.
Explained more in-depth, took picture of IPod, emailed Dave.
Dave explained policy, issued a special code and explained the exception.
Dave took notes of the exchange and determines the store needs to be held accountable for their behavior.
I am impressed.
Happily awaiting package to return and exchange my daughter's broken IPod.

Posted by Yvonne Battle-Felton at 11:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

When Apples Go Bad-Part 1

One current and three potential Apple customers enter the Apple store in Towson, MD.
The "genius" at the "Genius Bar" misidentifies my daughter's Ipod as an Iphone.
Genuis recommends I pay $119 to have the 3-month old Ipod replaced.
We discuss the probability of that happening.
Genius explains the situation to the manager in the back room...laughter permeates the store.
Scott (the presumed laugher in point 5) explains his logic behind suggesting I pay $119 to have the Ipod replaced: he believes my daughter is a budding technologist who somehow destroyed the inner workings of her Ipod.
We agree to disagree.

Posted by Yvonne Battle-Felton at 10:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Yvonne Battle-Felton

Nemesis-Ink: Literary Fiction and Creative Nonfiction Personal and Impersonal Essays

May 24, 2009

What I've Learned from EBay

May 12, 2009